she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
