im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
