There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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