i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize