Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
