Got a toothbrush?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
