The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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