So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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