i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize