he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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