What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
