I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
