I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
