Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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