Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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