They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
