He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
