Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
