I bet he comes in French.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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