Whoa Z and x make the same sound
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
