I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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