i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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