I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
