Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
