Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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