I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
