she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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