I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
