OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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