You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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