I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
