I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
