would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Randomize
