thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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