So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
