I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I fill condoms, not promises.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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