Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
