White coat. Heels.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
