you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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