Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I intend to get homeless drunk
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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