Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
