I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
