I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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