she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
