sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
