My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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