it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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