He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
