Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
