my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
