Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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