She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
