are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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