ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
