I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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