we have officially lost it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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