His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
