WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think my vagina is haunted
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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