i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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