im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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